Secret Value Meal

cheeseburgerEver since McDonald’s invented the Extra Value Mealâ„¢, I was a spirited supporter of the “two cheeseburger meal,” a.k.a. the “Number two.” Suffice to say, I was distraught when it mysteriously disappeared off their menu a little over a year ago. I think they probably lost a small percentage of their market, but those little cheeseburgers couldn’t be profitable anyway. I started eating Big Macs.

Last night I was determined to relive my childhood and eat the “Classic #2,” ((The new school number two is a Quarter Pounder with Cheeseâ„¢, hardly a replacement for a classic.)) so I order two cheeseburgers, medium fries, medium coke. The manager who was hovering about swooped in and asked, “Would you like the value meal?” Of course I answered yes, of course I want to save money. I scanned my value options, no two cheeseburgers with a number. I asked the manager what number it was. “Oh, there’s no number, just a button. They deleted the meal but kept the button.”

So all this time I’ve been settling for a Big Mac, my server has been staring at a button that says TWO CHEESEBURGER VALUE MEAL? What other kinds of discontinued products do they buttons for? Can I get a McDLT just by asking for it? How about some New Coke with that?

We’ve all heard of In-N-Out’s “secret menu,” which offers crazy items like “burger wrapped in lettuce,” or a suicide milk shake. But I never pegged McDonald’s as an easter egg kind of company. Or maybe they’re just trying to minimize their losses from us disenfranchised number 2 people. I’m ready for some answers.