Things southern: Kudzu

As I’m wrapping up my stay here in Atlanta, I thought I would document some of the wonderful and spetacular things that I’ve encountered while in the south.

Kudzu is a plant that was promoted in the 1930’s for erosion control, but has since grown out of control. Drive around South Carolina or Georgia and you will quickly realized that Kudzu is slowly devouring the land. Soon everything here will be covered by a warm, green blanket of this leafy vine. With the capability to grow one foot per day, it doesn’t take long to take over.

Maybe it’s the name, or maybe it’s the beast-like qualities, but in my head somewhere I anthropomorphized Kudzu as a kind of angry giant:

KUDZU EAT TREE!!
KUDZU EAT TREE!!!

KUDZU EAT CAR!!
KUDZU EAT CAR!!!

People are really starting to worry… it might be… KUDZU EAT SOUTH!!!

64 thoughts on “Things southern: Kudzu

  1. My dad actually did some research on Kudzu at Texas A&M when he was studying botany. And the stuff really does grow like a foot a day! you should see some of the fast-action photography of them — it’s crazy!

  2. THEY’RE CALLED HEDGE CLIPPERS! DAMN! YOU GUYS ARE SITTING HERE WHINING WHILE THIS DAMN PLANT IS TAKING OVER AND ALL YOU NEED ARE SOME HEDGE CLIPPERS TO FIGHT THE DAMN PLANT! MY GOSH YOU PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC!

  3. I don’t live in the south, but I know how alien plants can start in a new habitat and take over because the ecosystem wasn’t ready to handle it. You can’t just hedge trim this stuff. It’s not that simple. If you live in the city, then you probably aren’t worrying about it mr. kirby. If it were in your backyard you’d probably feel different. So shut the hell up

  4. Its been a long standing joke here in the south, you could drop a dead body in the middle of kudzu, and nobody would ever find it…

  5. where can I pick up some of this stuff so I can stash a few in some friend’s attics? or in someone’s car that they aren’t using for a while

  6. they always said: if mississippi could ever find a use for kudzu and broken glass it would soon be the wealthiest state in the union

  7. i’ve grown up in south carolina and taken kudzu for granted. yeah, it grows a foot a day, but down here, we measure things that grow in feet quite often.

  8. I live in California’s central valley where it’s dry and hot all f**king summer. My backyard is dry and dead. It might as well be a desert. Where can I get some Kudzu for my yard, I need something to cover up the borwn-ass dirt?

  9. Dear DeepPhreeze

    Why don’t you actually research American history instead of believing all the bullshit our government feeds you.

    Fact: No Southerner ever participated in the selling of a slave, ever.
    Fact: Slave trading was done thorugh the Northern ports and then sold to the rest of the states.
    Fact: Only 3-5% of the Southern population owned slaves. We couldn’t afford to purchase them from the Yankee slavedrivers. Majority of Southern Land was farmed by the owner.
    Fact: Free blacks owned slaves in the South AND North during that time period.
    Fact: Mr. Lincoln was a white supremacist.
    You think slavery ended? It just ballooned and got bigger. Instead of only a few people everyone in America is a slave to the US military-industrial complex. We slave day in and out to make those bastards in DC more and more of their precious money.

    I could go on…but you get the idea.

    As for the Kudzu, I don’t see a problem. Oh no! It’s green lets destroy it, pave the land, and build federal buildings! Eh, give me the vine over cubicles and federalism any day.

  10. I always love how people complain when a new, evolutionarily more fit organism comes into an ecosystem and clears everything out. Kudzu apparently has superior DNA. Whatever it kills deserves to be killed in favor of that which is genetically superior. Simple principle of natural selection. Just my two sense. Wish it applied more to humans as well.

  11. Southerners never sold slaves??
    Come to mobile and visit the museum of mobile.
    Slaves were shipped into the port of mobile and sold in the building that now houses the museum. Please get YOUR facts straight before you dredge up this neo-Confederate “Lost Cause” bullshit. I’m sure in your eyes the Civil War was all about states rights and had nothing to do with slavery either.

  12. Kudzu LAUGHS at RoundUp.

    When kudzu started getting out of hand, they decided it would make great fodder for cows. Kudzu, though, is a legume. When consumed by cows, legumes create gas, and lots of it. Result? EXPLODING COWS.

    Perhaps, the late James Dickey (best known for writing the novel “Deliverance”) said it best in a poem:
    http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/kudzu.htm

  13. kudzo oh kudzo, why do i still have a flat ass chest,
    while you keep growing, i still have ugly pimply breast.
    kudzo oh kudzo, why do i have green shit grow as fast as you on my dick,
    is it because in your bushes i fucked a little stanck ass trick
    kudzo oh kudzo cant my dick grow like you,
    but ill be damned if i still dont wear a size 5 in shoes.
    kudzo oh kudzo, why do all these fucking queers keep writing gay ass shit like this,
    oh i know, your all a bunch of bored ass fuckin losers, looking for shit for deliverance

  14. I live in California’s central valley where it’s dry and hot all f**king summer. My backyard is dry and dead. It might as well be a desert. Where can I get some Kudzu for my yard, I need something to cover up the borwn-ass dirt?

  15. We have worse problems the Kudzu — like the rot that is spreading in American souls (quite apparent by the remarks on this message board) and at a much faster pace than any vine.

    Hedge clippers will not stop either but it’s tempting to try….

    Mom

  16. SHENANDOAH “UNDER THE KUDZU” listen to this song.. it represents great “SOUTHERN PRIDE” …. enuf said…. deal with it…

  17. I have been battling this thing for over a year and I, too want to strangle the challenged fool who imported this devil weed. I live in Dallas and no one realizes it is all over town, and spreading. People think of it as a Southeastern problem. I recently read in Howard Garrett’s new gardening book that it is classified as an herb and the Japanese put it on their salads. I think I would be ill if confronted with a plate of the stuff. Good luck to fellow kudzo battlers!

  18. To kill Kudzo you have to urinate on it every day for one year,If the problem is bigger than you can handle? get your friends to help.

  19. “THEY’RE CALLED HEDGE CLIPPERS! DAMN! YOU GUYS ARE SITTING HERE WHINING WHILE THIS DAMN PLANT IS TAKING OVER AND ALL YOU NEED ARE SOME HEDGE CLIPPERS TO FIGHT THE DAMN PLANT! MY GOSH YOU PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC!

    Comment by Kirby at September 20, 2003 12:20 PM”

    KUDZU EAT KIRBY
    ATLANTANS REJOICE.

    Speaking as an Atlantan myself…

    Taking hedge clippers to kudzu would be like trying to shave a moose with a single-blade disposable razor. In other words, damn near impossible. Kudzu doesn’t just grow at a foot a day… it also grows without roots. Once it’s in a tree, it doesn’t stop until the tree is dead. It’s not your run-of-the-mill ivy; it’s a fucking monster. And it’s eating my city. But thanks, Kirby. I’m glad that you adhere to the single-minded belief that all people in the South are incompetent, uneducated, and completely unable of handling ourselves.

    If there was a way to remove Kudzu, I can guarantee you one of us would have thought of it by now.

    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO KUDZU. AND HIM CRAZY CHINESE MAN WHAT BROUGHT IT TO US.

  20. BTW, Kudzu doesnt just grow in the south, do some research and u’ll find that it grows up here in the north as well, although not as common and not quite as fast. But we have something almost as bad a Kudzu up here, look up Oriental Bittersweet.

  21. It is a monster problem in Alabama as well. thou it was not farmed like cotton it is more prevalant. There seems to be no good way to kill it only hold it at bay with a hoe or a goat.

  22. What in the hell is this stuff? The person I bought this house from told me is a fence hedge.
    I really think he was wrong!! It is eating my house!!! Really!!!

  23. What in the hell is this stuff? The person I bought this house from told me is a fence hedge.
    I really think he was wrong!! It is eating my house!!! Really!!!

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  25. i was clearing a section of overgrown woods behind a house i bought on the bayou and found a Chevy big block halfway in the ground. We tried using a tow truck to yank it out but it wouldnt budge. Kudzu had grown through all the valves and nooks and crannies and pulled it into the wet soil and now wont let it go. To keep the yard kudzu free we dug a trench 6 inches wide and a foot deep around the yard,keep it mowed three feet on the other side and Roundup it once a month. We also have to climb into the trees that overhand the trench every year to clear the kudzu out of them or the vine will drop down into the yard and root. The world has seen poison gas, nuclear warfare and germ warfare, i think kudzu might be the next generation of dangerous ways to attack enemies.

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