Things southern: Kudzu

As I’m wrapping up my stay here in Atlanta, I thought I would document some of the wonderful and spetacular things that I’ve encountered while in the south.

Kudzu is a plant that was promoted in the 1930’s for erosion control, but has since grown out of control. Drive around South Carolina or Georgia and you will quickly realized that Kudzu is slowly devouring the land. Soon everything here will be covered by a warm, green blanket of this leafy vine. With the capability to grow one foot per day, it doesn’t take long to take over.

Maybe it’s the name, or maybe it’s the beast-like qualities, but in my head somewhere I anthropomorphized Kudzu as a kind of angry giant:

KUDZU EAT TREE!!
KUDZU EAT TREE!!!

KUDZU EAT CAR!!
KUDZU EAT CAR!!!

People are really starting to worry… it might be… KUDZU EAT SOUTH!!!

August 21, 2003 #
63 comments

63 Comments

  1. justin
    Posted August 21, 2003 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    I think you are on to something here.

    “KUDZU EAT _____” should replace all future instances of “ALL YOUR _____ ARE BELONG TO US”

  2. terror Yaki
    Posted August 22, 2003 at 10:21 pm | Permalink

    Kudzu starch can be
    used for almost anything.
    Bread, soup, even pie!

  3. 3soteric
    Posted August 28, 2003 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

    don’t know where I am
    leafy greens, a mean machine?
    there goes my pony

  4. boymanmanboy
    Posted September 18, 2003 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    kUDZO, oh kUDZU,
    I admired your beauty
    Until you ate Dad

  5. big ralph
    Posted September 19, 2003 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    oh kudzu, oh kudzu, wherrrrrre could you be?
    oh kudzu, oh kudzu, where the hell is my tree?

  6. nice sight....fag
    Posted September 19, 2003 at 9:07 pm | Permalink

    kudzo eat out of your cunt, bitch

  7. Kay
    Posted September 19, 2003 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    hey, i had a hamburger here!

    …and a house…

  8. Matryx
    Posted September 19, 2003 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    Kudzu eat all my bases!

  9. chris
    Posted September 19, 2003 at 10:11 pm | Permalink

    If I can find the son of a bitch who brought that shit over here from China…………

  10. DeepPhreeze
    Posted September 19, 2003 at 11:36 pm | Permalink

    I always knew them southern slave-driving commies had it coming. Now look, they’re the ones gonna be chained up…

  11. Sam
    Posted September 20, 2003 at 12:14 pm | Permalink

    My dad actually did some research on Kudzu at Texas A&M when he was studying botany. And the stuff really does grow like a foot a day! you should see some of the fast-action photography of them — it’s crazy!

  12. Kirby
    Posted September 20, 2003 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    THEY’RE CALLED HEDGE CLIPPERS! DAMN! YOU GUYS ARE SITTING HERE WHINING WHILE THIS DAMN PLANT IS TAKING OVER AND ALL YOU NEED ARE SOME HEDGE CLIPPERS TO FIGHT THE DAMN PLANT! MY GOSH YOU PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC!

  13. Dude
    Posted September 20, 2003 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    I don’t live in the south, but I know how alien plants can start in a new habitat and take over because the ecosystem wasn’t ready to handle it. You can’t just hedge trim this stuff. It’s not that simple. If you live in the city, then you probably aren’t worrying about it mr. kirby. If it were in your backyard you’d probably feel different. So shut the hell up

  14. Kaptain Obvious
    Posted September 20, 2003 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    Its been a long standing joke here in the south, you could drop a dead body in the middle of kudzu, and nobody would ever find it…

  15. some young guy
    Posted September 20, 2003 at 6:35 pm | Permalink

    steven speilberg goes missing during the filming of his new musical horror
    Little shop of Kudzu

  16. yo mama is my gimp bitch
    Posted September 20, 2003 at 11:01 pm | Permalink

    where can I pick up some of this stuff so I can stash a few in some friend’s attics? or in someone’s car that they aren’t using for a while

  17. lamer
    Posted September 21, 2003 at 11:35 am | Permalink

    who does that shit anyway, theyre fucking plants!

    one small step for kudzu
    one giant leap backwards for us

  18. dirtysanchez
    Posted September 21, 2003 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    they always said: if mississippi could ever find a use for kudzu and broken glass it would soon be the wealthiest state in the union

  19. choto boy
    Posted September 21, 2003 at 10:53 pm | Permalink

    kudzu nearly killed me…. but then i smoked its cousin. Now it’s afraid of me.

  20. btagoc
    Posted September 21, 2003 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

    kudzu is evil, it kills everything. just like hitler.

  21. your mom's kudzu
    Posted September 21, 2003 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

    i’ve grown up in south carolina and taken kudzu for granted. yeah, it grows a foot a day, but down here, we measure things that grow in feet quite often.

  22. Moogle
    Posted September 22, 2003 at 1:14 am | Permalink

    All your Base are Belong to Kudzu.

    And you down in SC… what else grows in your feet? Some sort of fungal infection?

  23. fred
    Posted September 22, 2003 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    kudzu will be a new hip-hop phrase. drop it like its hot/make me grow like kudzu… something really irritating…

  24. ZQEST
    Posted September 22, 2003 at 4:09 pm | Permalink

    THE ANWSER IS FINALLY!!! KUDZU AND MY EX-WIFE….NOW YOU SEE HER, NOW YOU DONT! AND TO THINK….IT ONLY TAKE 6 DAYS…

  25. Kudzu Sucks
    Posted September 22, 2003 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    Killer Bees, West Nile, Sars and now Kudzu….

  26. Mark
    Posted September 22, 2003 at 9:19 pm | Permalink

    Kudzu………. you FUcking suck,… you ate my dog

  27. Adagowop
    Posted September 23, 2003 at 2:32 am | Permalink

    Sure… a foot a day… eats cars… the crazy name…
    But how’s it smoke?

  28. Silly Goose
    Posted September 23, 2003 at 3:52 pm | Permalink

    If Pot grew like this plant, there would be no way for the government to stop us!

  29. Brandan
    Posted September 23, 2003 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    I live in California’s central valley where it’s dry and hot all f**king summer. My backyard is dry and dead. It might as well be a desert. Where can I get some Kudzu for my yard, I need something to cover up the borwn-ass dirt?

  30. Kyjo
    Posted September 23, 2003 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    haiku

    kudzo, s.o.b
    how many cats must you eat?
    Ate my mother too

  31. southern gentleman
    Posted September 24, 2003 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

    Dear DeepPhreeze

    Why don’t you actually research American history instead of believing all the bullshit our government feeds you.

    Fact: No Southerner ever participated in the selling of a slave, ever.
    Fact: Slave trading was done thorugh the Northern ports and then sold to the rest of the states.
    Fact: Only 3-5% of the Southern population owned slaves. We couldn’t afford to purchase them from the Yankee slavedrivers. Majority of Southern Land was farmed by the owner.
    Fact: Free blacks owned slaves in the South AND North during that time period.
    Fact: Mr. Lincoln was a white supremacist.
    You think slavery ended? It just ballooned and got bigger. Instead of only a few people everyone in America is a slave to the US military-industrial complex. We slave day in and out to make those bastards in DC more and more of their precious money.

    I could go on…but you get the idea.

    As for the Kudzu, I don’t see a problem. Oh no! It’s green lets destroy it, pave the land, and build federal buildings! Eh, give me the vine over cubicles and federalism any day.

  32. Biomajor
    Posted September 25, 2003 at 12:29 am | Permalink

    I always love how people complain when a new, evolutionarily more fit organism comes into an ecosystem and clears everything out. Kudzu apparently has superior DNA. Whatever it kills deserves to be killed in favor of that which is genetically superior. Simple principle of natural selection. Just my two sense. Wish it applied more to humans as well.

  33. Trey
    Posted September 25, 2003 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    Ever hear of Roundup?

  34. ben
    Posted September 27, 2003 at 2:43 am | Permalink

    watch the vine grow fast
    it does not discriminate
    KUDZU EAT YOUR FACE

  35. Wanker
    Posted September 27, 2003 at 8:48 pm | Permalink

    Damn I wish my dick would grow like that!

  36. mobile,al
    Posted October 9, 2003 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    Southerners never sold slaves??
    Come to mobile and visit the museum of mobile.
    Slaves were shipped into the port of mobile and sold in the building that now houses the museum. Please get YOUR facts straight before you dredge up this neo-Confederate “Lost Cause” bullshit. I’m sure in your eyes the Civil War was all about states rights and had nothing to do with slavery either.

  37. Geof
    Posted October 29, 2003 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    I’ve had a kudzu jelly [or was it jam?] before. It was wonderiffic.

    Kudzu can be burned.

    Maybe we should ship it to Cali …

  38. Steven
    Posted October 29, 2003 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    Kudzu LAUGHS at RoundUp.

    When kudzu started getting out of hand, they decided it would make great fodder for cows. Kudzu, though, is a legume. When consumed by cows, legumes create gas, and lots of it. Result? EXPLODING COWS.

    Perhaps, the late James Dickey (best known for writing the novel “Deliverance”) said it best in a poem:
    http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/kudzu.htm

  39. fine ass ho and big dick bastard
    Posted November 25, 2003 at 12:13 am | Permalink

    kudzo oh kudzo, why do i still have a flat ass chest,
    while you keep growing, i still have ugly pimply breast.
    kudzo oh kudzo, why do i have green shit grow as fast as you on my dick,
    is it because in your bushes i fucked a little stanck ass trick
    kudzo oh kudzo cant my dick grow like you,
    but ill be damned if i still dont wear a size 5 in shoes.
    kudzo oh kudzo, why do all these fucking queers keep writing gay ass shit like this,
    oh i know, your all a bunch of bored ass fuckin losers, looking for shit for deliverance

  40. fine ass ho and big dick bastard
    Posted November 25, 2003 at 12:17 am | Permalink

    crazcrum10

  41. Paul
    Posted November 26, 2003 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    I live in California’s central valley where it’s dry and hot all f**king summer. My backyard is dry and dead. It might as well be a desert. Where can I get some Kudzu for my yard, I need something to cover up the borwn-ass dirt?

  42. Mom
    Posted January 13, 2004 at 1:13 am | Permalink

    We have worse problems the Kudzu — like the rot that is spreading in American souls (quite apparent by the remarks on this message board) and at a much faster pace than any vine.

    Hedge clippers will not stop either but it’s tempting to try….

    Mom

  43. DEREK
    Posted February 14, 2004 at 1:38 pm | Permalink

    I’m stuck up north temporarily for the next year and miss the hell outta KUDZU…

  44. DEREK
    Posted February 14, 2004 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    SHENANDOAH “UNDER THE KUDZU” listen to this song.. it represents great “SOUTHERN PRIDE” …. enuf said…. deal with it…

  45. Raz
    Posted March 10, 2004 at 6:46 am | Permalink

    Viva Green Piece!

  46. TerxasConfederate
    Posted April 14, 2004 at 3:21 pm | Permalink

    Thank you “Southern Gentleman”

    God bless Dixie!!

  47. Stephanie Anderson
    Posted May 27, 2004 at 2:24 am | Permalink

    I have been battling this thing for over a year and I, too want to strangle the challenged fool who imported this devil weed. I live in Dallas and no one realizes it is all over town, and spreading. People think of it as a Southeastern problem. I recently read in Howard Garrett’s new gardening book that it is classified as an herb and the Japanese put it on their salads. I think I would be ill if confronted with a plate of the stuff. Good luck to fellow kudzo battlers!

  48. Michael Lusk
    Posted July 12, 2004 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    Sam, Do you know where I could get that fast-action footage of kudzu growth you mentioned? I’d like it for a PowerPoint on invasive species. Thanks - Michael_Lusk@fws.gov

  49. Arthur
    Posted August 1, 2004 at 5:38 pm | Permalink

    To kill Kudzo you have to urinate on it every day for one year,If the problem is bigger than you can handle? get your friends to help.

  50. dab
    Posted November 11, 2004 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

    Justin is right “KUDZU EAT _____” is the new meme. Amen.

  51. Baz
    Posted March 25, 2005 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    That is one scary plant!

  52. chels
    Posted April 19, 2005 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    where does kudzu live!!!!!!!!and it is not pretty it is bad!!!!!!!!!so dont plant it no more!!!!!!!!

  53. Rachel
    Posted May 3, 2005 at 9:47 pm | Permalink

    “THEY’RE CALLED HEDGE CLIPPERS! DAMN! YOU GUYS ARE SITTING HERE WHINING WHILE THIS DAMN PLANT IS TAKING OVER AND ALL YOU NEED ARE SOME HEDGE CLIPPERS TO FIGHT THE DAMN PLANT! MY GOSH YOU PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC!

    Comment by Kirby at September 20, 2003 12:20 PM”

    KUDZU EAT KIRBY
    ATLANTANS REJOICE.

    Speaking as an Atlantan myself…

    Taking hedge clippers to kudzu would be like trying to shave a moose with a single-blade disposable razor. In other words, damn near impossible. Kudzu doesn’t just grow at a foot a day… it also grows without roots. Once it’s in a tree, it doesn’t stop until the tree is dead. It’s not your run-of-the-mill ivy; it’s a fucking monster. And it’s eating my city. But thanks, Kirby. I’m glad that you adhere to the single-minded belief that all people in the South are incompetent, uneducated, and completely unable of handling ourselves.

    If there was a way to remove Kudzu, I can guarantee you one of us would have thought of it by now.

    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO KUDZU. AND HIM CRAZY CHINESE MAN WHAT BROUGHT IT TO US.

  54. el Cool guy
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 8:48 pm | Permalink

    u want 2 know where it kudzu came 4m it came 4m japan, and china

  55. Anonymous
    Posted June 1, 2005 at 1:07 am | Permalink

    man you guys are wild kudzo what a thing to argue about

  56. chrisel2000
    Posted July 31, 2005 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    BTW, Kudzu doesnt just grow in the south, do some research and u’ll find that it grows up here in the north as well, although not as common and not quite as fast. But we have something almost as bad a Kudzu up here, look up Oriental Bittersweet.

  57. Jerry Nolan
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 5:34 pm | Permalink

    It is a monster problem in Alabama as well. thou it was not farmed like cotton it is more prevalant. There seems to be no good way to kill it only hold it at bay with a hoe or a goat.

  58. spaceapple
    Posted September 21, 2005 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

    wow, guys. no need to get so worked up over some kudzu…

  59. nick
    Posted October 19, 2005 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    kudzo is some good hunting for some rabits in alabama

  60. nick
    Posted October 20, 2005 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    GET R DONE ITS ALL GREAN IT SMOKES

  61. Tulena
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    What in the hell is this stuff? The person I bought this house from told me is a fence hedge.
    I really think he was wrong!! It is eating my house!!! Really!!!

  62. Tulena
    Posted November 26, 2005 at 5:31 pm | Permalink

    What in the hell is this stuff? The person I bought this house from told me is a fence hedge.
    I really think he was wrong!! It is eating my house!!! Really!!!

  63. Ginger
    Posted January 3, 2006 at 6:33 am | Permalink

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